North
by countertime
Summary: Dark AU: If you seek love, don't expect it to be simple, don't expect it to be easy. If one thing is certain, it's that it'll be neither.
1. you’re a little late

_"If you seek love, don't expect it to be simple, don't expect it to be easy. If one thing is certain, it's that it'll be neither. If you want love, then by all means seek it out - search for it high and low. You know you'll always have us - all of us - here to help you, but when it comes down to it, love is a matter of each individual heart. No one can tell you, no one can warn you, no one can prepare you for what it will be like. When it comes, if it comes, you'll know it - and then you'll have to decide just how much you want it, how much you're willing to give to let it live."_

Marron took one last look into the mailbox. It was empty but that was impossible. There _had_ been a letter there…

There was nothing but cool metal under her fingertips. 

She took out her hand quickly, as if burned, and ran to the elevator. She banged again on the lift button and then, impatiently ran to the stairs. 

North 

Her mouth felt like cotton. She tried again. 

"Hello?"

She wasn't sure how she got here, only that wherever here was, was much too dark.

She hated the dark. 

"HELLO!?"

The door swung open, a barrel chested man hefted her off a cot and led her outside. 

She blinked lamely at sterilized lights and whipped herself out of his grasp. "Let me GO!" She backed toward the wall, feral. She would jump him if she had to. If she had to-

"Marron?" 

She turned her head, "Miyako?" She scrunched up her eyes owlishly toward the end of the hall. Miyako had her hands deep in her dark coat, making her look smaller and unsure. "Miyako, where am I?"  

Miyako hurried over and placed herself non committedly between Marron and the man. "I'll take her."

He seemed uncomfortable with the idea but she did not budge. Finally, he nodded once in acquiescence. Miyako hooked arms with Marron and led her into a room by the side. She let her go to pull off her coat, gesturing for Marron to take a seat by the window. Outside were ambulances and people happy at a loved ones release and- 

Miyako took a seat opposite from her, their knees barely touching. Her school uniform bagged off her, almost swallowing her haggard air. 

Marron noticed for the first time that she wasn't similarly attired. It was a surprise, a school uniform became like a second skin, after awhile it became as natural as breathing. 

She wondered why her breath caught in her throat. 

Marron felt the chill by the window, dressed in a t-shirt and pajama pants cuffed at the calves. The bleached blend of cotton made her skin feel paler, made the scars across her forearms stand out more. 

The chill wasn't from the window.

"Miyako, why am I here?"

"What? You know where you are now?" There was an edge to her voice. "Do you know now?!" 

"Miyako." Marron fixed her with a pained confused look. "Please."

Miyako gave her a penetrating stare and suddenly flared up again. "No. _NO!_ I can't keep this up Marron! I love you but this hurts _too_ much!" She gestured wildly around the room, the window cradled a dim reflection of despair. 

"I don't understand!"

"No. You never do." Her voice was thick. "You've been here for awhile."

"What? Coma?" 

"Yah. Something like that." She was looking out the window. "I suppose the last time you remember seeing me is at the play." She seemed resigned to follow a familiar dance.

"No. I remember you throwing a ball at me because you couldn't stop Jeanne."

"Stop that." Miyako glared at Marron.

"What?" 

"I never did that."

"You did. I –"

"No. I didn't. I wouldn't throw a ball at you because I have never tried to catch _Jeanne_ because Jeanne _does NOT exist_!!" 

'Wha- what are you-?" Marron gaped, tears stinging her eyes.

"Miyako, stop. I know it's hard for you but she doesn't remember." A boy stood in the doorway. Sea blue eyes and unkempt hair easing the tension in the room. 

Miyako sucked in a sob. "I… I'm sorry. Marron, I didn't mean to- please forget I said anything." She was abruptly stricken at what she said, then laughed. An angry sobbing laugh. 

"Miyako, please." She took his hand and allowed him to help her into her coat. He led her out the door and pulled her toward him, still half in Marron's view. He asked something of her, which she shook her head to. He didn't seem pleased. 

He slipped back into the room. "You remember me, right?"

She pronounced each syllable distastefully, "Sinbahd."

"Ah, so you're in that frame of mind today then." His seemed slightly regretful. 

Her glare did not still, "I am not interested in your opinion. Is Miyako…?"

"She's strong…" He caught her gaze, "I asked her to stop coming."

"What? I-"

"You don't remember it anyway."

"That's not the point! I don't even know what's going on! I don't know-" She was hiccupping, hardly aware that she was crying as he caught her in his arms. She sunk into him.

"Shh… I'm sorry. I'm didn't mean to take it out on you Marron."

He waited until she calmed down, pulling out of his arms. "I'll get the orderly. You should go back to your room."

"NO! No. It's…"

He nodded, understanding. "Would you like to stay here then?"

"I'd like some answers."

He rolled his eyes, chuckling softly. "Why not," he said to himself. He looked at her and continued under his breath, "Why not indeed."

"Why am I here?"

He reached for her forearm in a firm grasp, preventing her from pulling it back. His thumb idly grazed the scar. "Because of this." His eyes met hers again. "But it isn't why you're still here."

"I don't remember."

"I know." 


	2. i’m already torn

She felt bounded. Thrashing wildly, the covers fled from her. 

_Where was she? _

She half threw herself at the door, it opened at her insistence.

_Where was she!?_

No one seemed to notice as a slip of a girl melt into the hallway. She made it to the elevator, almost free, when she felt her stomach flop. 

The elevator doors opened, and she _felt_ it.

Demonsdemonsdemons 

Yamato stepped out of the elevator. 

North 

"You're at a hospital. My father's." His voice speared through the dull hum of orderlies and life support.

"You didn't answer why."

He flinched at the unspoken accusation, she didn't trust him and it shone in her eyes. "This is a little much to just spit out Marron. I don't think-"

"That I can handle it?" Her eyes hardened, "Please. I may be a little unwell but I'm not _stupid. If you're keeping something from me I'll find out."_

"You're the only one who's keeping yourself in the dark!" He let go of her arm, almost shoving it back at her if not for some unconscious concern, and stepped away. He started again hesitantly, unwilling to meet her glare, "There was… an accident. You're family… You wouldn't stop blaming yourself." 

"I…" She abandoned whatever feeling had surfaced. "My parents are in _Europe_. My _father is in France. They called to tell me they were getting a divorce-" Her voice cut off in a sob._

She wasn't crying about the divorce.

"Christ Marron, you think this is easy for me to say? Whatever position you've dreamt up for me, I still remember us to be friends since childhood." He took her into his arms, and she let him. "And I won't let you destroy yourself…"

He rocked her slowly, letting her breath subside into sighs.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Noin." 

The doctor spun around sloppily, catching himself before he fell.

"Ah! Nagoya-san... I was just … coming up to um deliver these uh… flowers?" 

"My office isn't anywhere near the Psych ward."

Noin sweatdropped and scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "…Wrong turn?"

Nagoya pushed aside the flowers, "You were going to Kusakabe-san." He waved Noin's protestations aside, "I know you feel responsible. But you can't help her." 

Noin let the flowers drop to his side and leaned against the wall. "I know that. I sent her into hysterics the first time I came to apologize. I… well I didn't really have high hopes for this time either."

"Then why do I keep finding you here?"

"Remember when she was younger? I was a resident and she always came to visit me. Said I was a grumpy old man and needed to give her a lollipop. Took two when I wasn't looking." He chuckled, "Gave one to your smartass kid, other to her brother." His eyes swam with the long gone past.

"I'm sorry you were the one to tell her."

Noin laughed sadly, "I'm not. Couldn't let some stranger tell my little thief." 

Nagoya patted his shoulder and left him. There wasn't anything left to say that hadn't already been said. 

Noin marked his passing, swallowed hard, "Couldn't save her brother either."

-----------------------------------------------------

Marron sniffed and hiccupped a laugh, "I'm not going to learn anything if you keep getting yourself worked up."

"What, _me_? You Marron, have a very skewed view on reality." He blanched silently. "Sorry."

She sat up, waving it aside. "Like I'm going to remember?" 

"Oh, you've picked up on that trend?"

"Not-"

"-Stupid. Yes, I know."

"So?" she prompted.

"What? Going to need a bit of direction on this."

She sighed impatiently, "Accident? Some rot on my blaming myself?"

"You sure you don't want to talk about the wedding?"

"No, I don't want to talk about the- what!?"

Chiaki laughed openly at her fish mouth. She caught on and punched his arm, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Told Miyako I could handle you." He lounged smugly against the window frame.

She hit him harder, he flinched. "Jackass. And are you calling _my_ friend incompetent?!"

"She's my friend too."

"Right, like you're the king of social grace."

-----------------------------------------------------

Miyako squatted quietly outside the door. A sad smile dancing on her lips. She couldn't help Marron, wouldn't have tried if Chiaki hadn't insisted. She knew he would retract his demand if he saw it was too much for her. 

She didn't have to act hard to pull that off.

She listened to their good natured teasing, drawing herself back to a time before, when she was just as likely to be put off for being left out. She was ashamed of it now, the world those two made was not hers to take. 

Of course, she wasn't left out by herself. 

Her hand bunched closely around her shirt, where her heart used to beat so confidently.

She missed him terribly.  


	3. i'm cold and awake

"Should I file a restraining order?" She said it without humour, flicking her long green hair behind her. 

He tripped over his feet, standing again to hide who he was watching.

As if she didn't know. 

"You've already killed one of my children Minazuki, I'd thank you to leave Marron be."

North 

"I… feel them," Marron paused to gauge his reaction before continuing in a stripped voice, "It's sharp, not like nausea but … it's in my gut."

She concentrated hard on looking past him. She didn't want him to know, although she knew he must know already. He was Sinbahd wasn't he? This was his work too. 

A cool hand slipped lightly under the hem of her shirt and she shrieked, slapping him away.

"PERVERT! Keep your hands-"

Chiaki didn't look up but again, reached for her side. "Right here, right? That's where you feel it."

"_What_?" Her voice was strangled and she didn't know why-

_Why were there stitches across her side?_

"I tried Marron. I'm so sorry."

He still wouldn't look at her. 

-----------------------------------------------------

"Yamato!" Miyako didn't bother to hide the surprise from her voice. Or the disgust.

He cast a baleful look at her and turned to the exit, "I won't come near her again. Kusakabe's mother has already made that clear," his voice faded into weariness, "Please just let me leave Miyako."

The last thing she wanted to do was to give him what he wanted. Even if she didn't want it either. 

Especially then. 

"You could have stopped it."

He growled, turning to face her, "So could have you!"

She didn't let him see her flinch. "Because I'm the chief's daughter? Is that how you write this off?! You were _in the gang Minazuki. You were _there_!" _

She expected him to let it go. She expected him to stand there impotently. She expected him to run. 

Isn't that what he did then? 

"I know!" He half screamed, half sobbed and stood there breaking before her. 

She didn't move a hand to stop it. 

-----------------------------------------------------

"Nagoya-san!"

"Noin!"

Both doctors stood sheepishly at the entrance to the Pysch ward. 

"I was just passing through to the x-ray room-"

"There was some documents that needed-"

"Although x-ray is really a floor below me and on the other side of the building-"

"Well not so much documents as a nurse who was holding them-"

They sweatdropped, hearing what they had just said. 

…

"So about this nurse…"

-----------------------------------------------------

No matter what he did, he was still Yamato.

He couldn't escape it, not really. 

_Not when it mattered._

But he hadn't wanted to be their Linchou anymore! So instead of people stepping over him as class president he'd step on them first, as a Demon. 

And it was so good. To be not himself, but to live as somebody else. 

He had danger running through his veins and it loosened his tongue, made him scream freedom he hadn't thought meant for him. 

And he was seen. Noticed. Wanted… 

But not by Marron. 

_Still not good enough Linchou_

_Keep trying Linchou_

_Pass in my homework for me Linchou-_

**Stop.** It wasn't him. It was the Demon in him that had run that night. That had led to _this. _

Christ. Just look at what he'd done to her. Was this all that his love amounted to? A means to cripple that of his affection until he felt worth something to her? To make her need him as much as he needed her?

And Miyako-

Still motionless before him,

Well she had loved him too. 

And that hurt him more than Marron's loss of reality. Because Miyako knew what she had lost, bore it with grace close to the bone. 

He knew it too. 

He had chosen wrong.

Again. 

-----------------------------------------------------

"I had to choose." 

"Chiaki-"

"No! … Please. I had to choose you." 

"I don't- what are-?" 

_A sharp kick to her side, a knife over her- no stabbing over and over and he wasn't moving oh god why wasn't he moving!? ohgodohgod-_

It all fades to red. 


	4. lying naked on the floor

He was- Oh God he couldn't 

Please! NO! _Please!_

_Oh God. Please no…_

North 

"Noin." 

He came to a dead halt, his dark hair still swishing behind him, carried by a continuing momentum. 

Shit. If he could only sink into the floor…

"You can stop avoiding me you know. We- I never blamed you." 

She was always truthful. She wouldn't speak for others falsely which made her statement all the more honest. 

He relaxed into himself slightly, turning to face her. "Your fiancé's right to blame me. There was no reason it couldn't have gone differently."

She sent him a piercing look. Did he…? The years without her first husband, her friendship to him… Yes. She supposed it all could have gone differently. 

"Access has never lost anything he's loved before. They felt like his children too. It's what I love most about him."

Noin gave her a sad sheepish grin. "I loved them too Finn."

-----------------------------------------------------

There was a brash knock on the door followed by its immediate opening. 

Miyako was never one to waste time. 

"Dad, Minazuki has agreed to testify against the other members."

He gave her a predatory grin which she returned. 

Life wasn't going to take anything else away from her.

She was going to save herself. 

-----------------------------------------------------

Nagoya-san looked over the Kusakabe file once more. His brow furrowed in a familiar spread.

He was too quick to release her last time. The whole situation had wrenched them, and Chiaki's injuries had shaded his judgment. But at the time he had agreed with Finn's assumptions that the girl would recover more fully at home. 

Even after she had jumped Minazuki, attacked him with fists and words that sounded strange to them even in her hysteria…

Well, he had been too busy looking after Chiaki to listen to the boy. 

He supposed Yamato hadn't truly meant to hurt her more. But a head injury only compounded the whole problem, gave her an outlet to fall more deeply into her dementia… until they couldn't help but notice.

Chiaki had stopped speaking to him of it once she was admitted to the psych ward. 

But he was well aware of the parts she had assigned them.

The blame in particular. 

-----------------------------------------------------

It felt like every scar she had suffered that still hadn't saved him was rupturing again. 

It felt like a thousand light bulbs had blinded her but the fact was, she was really seeing. 

And it _hurt_.

"Breathe! Marron, please!"

Chiaki at her side, helping her again- 

_No not her, he was bleeding too much- **go to him!**_

But Chiaki was here. With her. 

_Two paths in the road diverge_

It was stupid of them to have taken that alley with the Demons after her brother. They were hurt and Chiaki had come too late for him. 

_the__ roads diverge_

He wouldn't let her go to him. She remembered that. 

_two__ paths_

_two__ paths_

He was dead before the ambulance came. 

Zen had bleed to death in an alley. 

When it should have been her.

_And I chose the one less traveled by_

Her breath caught up with her. Chiaki still had her back. 

Hadn't he always? 

And he saw her- oh god what she did to herself, let herself believe. What she blamed him for- 

_And I chose_

Oh what little grace she had in her…

She straightened her back, looking him level in his sea blue eyes. 

…She would set this right. 

"Please don't leave me." 

And he knew.

"Never."

_"For they could not love you, but still your love was true...And when no hope was left in sight, on that starry starry night...You took your life as lovers often do... But I could have told you, Vincent...This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you…" Don Mclean _

**[el fin]**

[author note]: There are a lot of little details that don't quite fit. I mean if you were to reread all of it you'd see it but since I took so much time and nearly went down so many different alleys to explain Marron that I got a little sloppy. I might fix it, but it does add some drama to it, some alleys of what if that keep you guessing. It kept me guessing. I wasn't sure how far I wanted to take her insanity as I couldn't screw over the characters completely. Because in the end I love the idea of Chiaki and Marron and damnit, they deserve to be together. It also resulted in a lot of little love triangles that I somewhat hinted at. And of course Finn had to be her mother. 

Zen is an interesting character, and I really enjoyed his part in the anime. He was a favorite, what can I say. And he really reminded me of Marron. I think at the time I was so pissed at Chiaki that I was all for Marron and Zen. But honestly, the two had a very brother sister thing going for them. Argue a lot but in the end, they take care of each other damn the consequences. I think that's what having a sibling really comes down to. So choosing between Chiaki and Zen, well damn straight she's going to choose Zen, and I think she expects the man she loves to do likewise, also damn the consequences. In both the anime and in this fic, Chiaki's choice regarding Zen lead to some interesting situations. The fact that Chiaki doesn't, that she couldn't choose Zen, well it leads to North doesn't it? 


End file.
